You may be aware that there was an election last week, a rather contentious one. Don’t worry, I’m not going to talk about politics today. But I am going to talk about beliefs. The division we’ve all seen in our nation around who and what our country needs is a perfect opportunity to explore how hard it can be to actually seek to understand a point of view different from your own—a character trait that we at Leading by DESIGN believe is necessary to being a person worth following.

Remember our definition of beliefs? Beliefs are the things we KNOW to be true, but can’t prove. People have many different beliefs, shaped by their own experiences, personality, culture, family, education, and so on. We all see the world through this filter of our beliefs, often without even realizing that these filters are on. Instead, we act as though we see the objective truth. So what happens when someone you love voted for the person you detest? They are wrong. You are right. And then we all take a break from Facebook until after the election.

In the first session of LEAD 365 I often share my own belief that a wide variety of beliefs in people is a wonderful thing, and that I’m not threatened by other people’s beliefs that are different from my own. I can talk politics with anyone—except my mom. I get too emotional—too Diet Coke—and I really want to be water all the time.

But this year, I decided to change. I decided to practice what I preach and learn how to listen to my mom and let her share why she has those political beliefs, which are so different than mine. So we started talking. And guess what? I was terrible. Too often I responded to her points by spouting off statistics and facts and opinions that contradicted her beliefs, because I was right and she was wrong! Then both of us would start talking louder, and then we would mutually decide to stop talking politics for a while. Or I would climb up on my high horse and bemoaned how wrong she was, how misinformed, and she would bemoan the same thing about me.

We kept at it, and over time something happened: we were able to have real discussions about our political philosophies and why we were voting the way we were voting. I learned to be water (or mostly water) in a situation where I’ve always been Diet Coke. But even better, I think we respect each other more, and we were able to show love to each other through these conversations. In effect, we were saying “I love you so much that I want to understand your point of view, even if I don’t agree with you. You are more important than this issue.” Then we went out on election day and cancelled out each other’s votes. And that’s okay.

Let’s switch the focus now to you: Is there a belief or set of beliefs you hold so strongly that you can’t talk about it with someone you love? What might it feel like to start engaging that person around those beliefs? To seek to understand them first, and then perhaps seek to be understood? Do you have topics in your life that are off limits? Maybe poking at that a bit will reveal a great opportunity to grow as a person worth following. Because leaders worth following are confident in their own beliefs, open to changing those beliefs over time, and not afraid to learn from people who have different beliefs. I promise you that you will not succeed on your first try, but over time, you will learn not to be threatened by who is “right” and who is “wrong.”

I suspect our entire nation would benefit from learning to listen. We are a Diet Coke nation right now, in many issues both big and small. I invite you to stretch yourself in your ability to listen to someone you love and whose beliefs you strongly disagree with. How cool to be one of the first to model this powerful trait of leadership.

Until next time, lead on!
Meredith

Image by greenleaf 80. Used under CC BY-ND 2.0 license.